Some better, some worse

So, some better. Doc is helping me out with my car. He's helping me find something outside of a dealer that he will purchase and I will make bi-weekly payments on. The only drawback that I can readily foresee is that this won't go towards a better credit rating for me. I'm going to pay off a semi-hefty loan and its going to do nothing for me, you know? That isn't even something I'm going to focus on though because this is just the most amazing thing that has happened for me in a really long time. I have never, repeat never been the girl that things just "work out" for. I always have problems, I always have obstacles, I always have some huge stone to move from my path, you know? So its just so unreal to me. This is help, this is what it feels like when things work out. Its an alien feeling and I'm holding on to this relief with an iron fist. Last night I slept better than I have in months, and I ate a real meal, and I've been smiling. Doc is an amazing man, I can hardly comprehend his greatness. Who in our world is so innately good anymore? Its like fresh air, spring after a cold winter and all of that.

The worse. About an hour after Doc and I talked I learned that my great grandfather who had heart surgery (two actually) Thursday was recovering from the surgery wonderfully and that was great. Unfortunately a routine MRI uncovered 4 malignant tumors that are believed to be very similar to the cancer my grandma has been fighting tooth and nail for about ten long years. This shows that my mothers side of the family has a genetic predisposition to this particular blood cancer. That is extremely scary. My grandmother found all this out about her dad while she was in the hospital doing her last round of chemo before getting her own MRI to check on her tumors. As soon as he's well enough we're moving him from Idaho to California to live the rest of his life as the doctors have decided that he's too old to put him through Chemo. As soon as he's there and settled I'm going to fly out and visit because this will be the last time I see him and he's just been such an important part of my life. He's so incredible, and strong, and free. Its so unfair. His soul is still so full of life and his body is giving up on that unimaginable life force. Its so damn unfair.

I am going to miss him like you can't believe, but I will handle it. Its cancer, I have some practice accepting that. Cancer I can handle (as long as its not me anyway).