My twenty-third birthday is just around the corner. It is just a week away. In one week I will be twenty-three and to be completely honest my life is absolutely nothing like I thought it would be. Not even a little bit. I feel like I haven't accomplished any of the things I should have accomplished by now. I'm working in a job I love under a boss who treats me terribly, I'm single again and with no hope of anything coming soon which means I'll be 30+ by the time I get married and start having kids; something I promised myself I'd have started already by my twenty-third birthday. Yeah, good luck with that one. Somehow I doubt I'll be married and pregnant within the week. Not that I'm rushing it, I wouldn't want it that way. I just want some kind of faith that things really will be okay.
I'm about to embark on my second consecutive ChristmasBirthday to be spent entirely alone. I will wake up on my Twenty-Third Christmas birthday alone. I will see no one on my birthday and I will be lucky if somebody other than my mother calls me or sends me a card because people are so busy on my that day that I am rarely more than a passing thought. I will sit in our living room in my sweats all day watching "A Christmas Story" until I fall asleep in a cold house, alone. I won't even have a cake or candles or the happy birthday song. For the second year in a row.
When I moved to Oklahoma it was with the promise that I would never spend Christmas alone, and I understand that this is my fault because I chose a job that I can't take time off during the holidays because I'm too busy but I told my entire family that it would be the same this year and that all I wanted was one member of my family to be here with me. I've lived here three years and no one has ever visited. What better gift on a ChristmasBirthday than to have a member of my family here. But yet another Christmas has come and I will be alone.
I put on a brave face and say that I like the quiet and that its really not that bad. But the truth is: it IS that bad.
2 comments:
Awwww. I wish I could fly you here for your birthday/Christmas & then you wouldn't be alone!!
Last August my wife left me, so I spent that Christmas completely alone. I dreaded the arrival of that day, but finally it came. Then I realized that I could enjoy my solitude in my own way, and it ended up being a nice day. I had my cats, my pathetic little tree, and plenty of movies to watch. It wasn't the greatest Christmas ever, but it was far more enjoyable than some of them.
I hope everything turns out alright for you. Just stumbled on your blog... saw that you enjoyed poetry and have good taste in movies. Thought I would chime in.
Post a Comment