A whole lotta somethin'

you're the only one who has
enough of me to break my heart

You know that incredible feeling you get when you realize that all the little pieces of your life are finally falling into place? Okay, well this is absolutely nothing like that. In fact this is the complete polar opposite of that invincible feeling. This is that "what am I going to do, the whole world's against me" feeling; the "no matter what I do something inevitably goes wrong" feeling; the "I'm [almost] ready to give up" feeling.

There is just so much going on in my life right now that I am going crazy. My poor mind can't handle anything, anything, else. Too much is changing! I'm moving 15 miles away (which doesn't seem like much when you think about how the last time I moved it was 1,800 miles) and I'm scared to death that my little car won't make the trip. So much seemed so right about choosing to move right now. It fell just right in our pay periods, we loved the house, we loved the area. I mean it's a house not an apartment! Signing the lease was only the first fell rock in what has turned out to be a landslide.

The house is a disaster. The property management company didn't do a single one of the things they said they were going to do. We walked into a filthy mess that the refused to clean, there was a gas leak, the stove was missing parts that made it legal, the furnace's pilot light was burning yellow and putting of a formaldehyde odor and the water heater didn't work. They turned our gas off and gave us fixit tickets. Then we found out that the toilet didn't flush. Then we found out the shower was broken. Hours later we're covered in dirt and grime from cleaning and our legs and arms are covered in spider bites from the filthy house they supposedly fumigated. Jen and I went out to WalMart and bought some bug bombs. Best/Worst idea ever as it didn't make us feel any better about anything. It just added to our already toppling pile of things we just don't have the energy to deal with anymore.

The day after we set off the bombs we went into the house to see if we killed any bugs. And dear god, did we. There were six dead cockroaches in the house, and four were 2+ inches long. I had to physically kill them because they were still wiggling around. I went into the basement to see if we got any down there and that is when this situation went from bad to something I can't handle any more. I could only go a few feet into the basement before I couldn't take another step without stepping on a roach. They were that thick down there. I was in tears at this point.

That was from Friday night to Monday morning. At that point we'd spent $1,690 on the house. $1,390 was rent and deposit and the rest was cleaning and painting supplies. At that point we'd decided that we wanted out of the lease. We spent all day Monday researching tenant rights in Oklahoma [tenants don't have any, we discovered] and talking to Jen's ex-step dad who is a property manager in CA. This is when we encountered our first ray of hope.

See we have an "Undeliverable Premises" clause in our lease it states (and I'm paraphrasing) "If for any reason the owner/owner's broker are unable to deliver the premises for any reason including, but not limited to, failure of previous tenant to vacate the premises or complete destruction of the premises the signer [thats me] has the right to immediately terminate this agreement without written notice". Jen's ex-step dad said that us not having gas in the house [Read: no stove to cook and the house has no microwave, no hot water (read: showers or dish washing)], not having a working toilet or a working shower and the infestation from the previous tenants should get us out easily on the "Undeliverable Premises". We were excited. At this point we just wanted our money back and to get as far away from that house as humanly possible. But does this story end there? Ohhh no. I'm sure you wish it did so you could stop reading, and I wish it did too, but oooh no. Theres more.

So Jen and I spent the rest of the day coming up with a list of demands. If they weren't willing to unblinkingly grant us these things we were going to let them know that we would be terminating out leasing agreement sighting those things I've stated above. Jen was going to go into their office as soon as the landlord got there. I couldn't go because it was the day after labor day and I knew I wouldn't have even a spare second at work. Our major things on the demand list weren't outrageous or anything. I mean they were just things any reasonable human being would want working in a home.

• gas! hot water and the ability to cook food! not to mention heat the house when it gets cold in a month
• a working toilet! we might be ladies but we still need to relieve ourselves!
• Jen's bedroom door needs to SHUT. I KNOW what she does in there and I DON'T want to see
• PEST CONTROL
• pro-rate our rent. we should have been able to move in the 1st, thats when we started paying to live there and we CAN'T live there

Are those outrageous? No. Jen went over all those things with our landlord as well as handed her a list from the Oklahoma Landlord and Tenant Act out-lining what qualified as "Uninhabitable". This house clearly qualified. Jen ended her "presentation" by saying: Look, I'm sorry to have to come to you with all these things. I promise we're not trying to be problem tenants! You know what the landlord did? ROLLED HER EYES yeah. She also told Jen that under NO circumstances would we be given pro-rated rent. Jen left her office and called me in tears.

I sat in the back at my work and talked to her for like 1/2 hour and decided that we wanted out of the lease ASAP. No more negotiating. That was when she had to go because the landlord was calling her. They set up pest control to come out the next day (which is now today) and ONG (gas) and a plumber to come out Friday and told her that they wouldn't give us any money back from this month but they would credit us on October's rent for the time until we can move in. Her immediate action locked us into our lease. We have absolutely no choice but to stay. And remember my disgusting description of the size and sheer NUMBER of cockroaches? Oh yeah. After today pest-control is on us. We signed for it in the lease after we were told, in good faith, that the house has been treated and there is no pre-existing pest problem. Yeeeah.

We went over to the house after work to take out the boxes we'd already put in the house because the pest control company told us the fog would would best in a totally empty house and we also wanted to take pictures of every single thing wrong with the house. This included the sea of cockroach carcases in the basement. Only it was gone. Apparently the tide went out because there were only a few bodies littered here and there. Since they were still twitching on Monday I assumed that some hadn't been killed and they scuttled away somewhere. I was freaked out beyond belief.

So today I had to be at the house at 8am. Mind you, my job starts at 7:30am sharp. So I got there at 8am and the guy from Emco Pest Control wasn't there. Of course Jen had told me it was AMco but that only becomes important in a minute. Last night I bought a garden hose, sprayer, garden gloves and hedge trimmers so as I waited I set up the hose on the hose-hanger and hooked it up to the faucet and put the sprayer on. I put on my gloves and went to town on our trees and bushes. Around 8:30 I started to worry that I'd gone a little over-board on the pruning and went inside to sit by the air conditioner and cool off. I'd worked up a sweat! It might have only been 8:30 but it was still 80 some-odd degrees and stickier than a wart-hog's back! I texted Jen to ask if the guy was EVER going to come and she said to wait til 9am and call AMco since he was supposed to be there between 8:30am and 9. So at about 9am I called 411 and asked for Tulsa, OK: AMCO. They had AAmco Transmissions but that was clearly wrong. At 9:05 Jen texted me to tell me he was lost in Broken Arrow. The property manager had given him the wrong address but he was 20 minutes away & on his way. 9:30am and the EMCO truck pulls up. It immediately explained why I couldn't find them using 411. He apologized profusely but I was fine with it because it got me out of my least favorite part of my morning duties. (Reminds me of Chandler "You know, dooties. Poop" haha) He said that he was going to spray the whole house including cupboards and basement and then fog it. Should take 30 minutes. I told him how bad it had been Monday and my concern that the fog we used prior to calling them out hadn't even actually killed the bugs. He told me that they HAD died but that the roaches that hadn't come out of the walls and breathed in the fog (because the stuff you buy in the stores can't get in the walls like the professional stuff) had come out and, get this: eaten the bodies of the cockroaches on the floor. Um there were HUNDREDS dead, how many were still alive to EAT all those...now that I've given EVERY ONE who read this far an insane case of the heebie jeebies (and made Misty glad all she had to deal with were spiders, who do NOT eat their sea of dead)...moving on.

I went to wait in the car and while I was a handy man came around to fix the garage door, yay! I talked to my mom until I saw Henry, the Emco man, come out of the house and come over with papers for me to sign. I left my mom on the phone but put the phone in my breast pocket. I asked him if we would have to worry about respraying next week for all the ones the fog hadn't killed, or if the ones that died today would be eaten tomorrow by their former comrades. He said: Let me put it this way, anything breathing in there today won't be breathing tomorrow. Hahaha.

After he left I was finally able to get to work but I didn't end up getting there until 10:30am, three hours late. And thats pretty much where I am now. We're screwed on pest control. Within 28 days and eggs the existing roaches laid will hatch more babies and we are now responsible for pest control. BUT with the money they're taking off of October's rent we're going to sign up for a years worth of service with Mother Nature's Pest Control. Its a $95 first visit and then $45 a month to spray the outside perimeter of the house and all inside including the basement. $45 a month to stay roach free is a GOOD deal as far as I'm concerned. And Friday the plumbing and gas stuff will be fixed. So move in is still on schedule we're just less excited about it now.